The very best coaches are the ones who are in your corner and want your success almost as much (and sometimes even more) than you do.
The great ones I have met and talked to over the years very literally lose sleep over how to help their clients succeed. They take their client’s pain personally and use it to find better ways of helping. And on those days when the client gets it, their face lights up, and they hang up or walk out with that extra spring in their step or confident, uplifted chin and squaring of their shoulders, the best coaches experience that as powerfully as the most potent of drugs.
Below is a conversation I had this morning recreated with permission. This person has been sending me profiles occasionally, asking for advice on how to respond. This morning he sent me a message he crafted on his own.
Client: “I thought of this all on my own.”
Me: “It is perfect. You are getting the hang of it. The important part to remember is to never take their response or lack thereof personally. You are one of the good guys, so you are the cream that will rise to the top. It takes patience and persistence.”
Client: “It’s people like you who are helping me become more confident! Thank you!”
Me: “You help me also. We do what we do because helping people like you brings us incredible joy. It’s a complete win win!
Client: “Awww, you’re a sweetheart!”
Me: “It also inspires me to be better and find more creative ways to get the message out.”
Client: “Well, your advice is definitely helpful. You inspire me to not give up and to show people that people of all abilities are able to find someone on a dating site!”
Me: “A lot of the problem is not having good tools. Anyone can find love if they are willing, to be honest with themselves and each other, be open to personal development if it becomes apparent their approach isn’t working, and most of all, be patient. In the meantime, we’ll keep working on getting you a platform where all those things are made easier.”
Client: “I’m going to find love, and I’m not giving up until I find it!”
Me: “That’s the spirit.”
Client: “You’ve lit the fire underneath me!”
So basically, if this is not the feeling you have after working with your coach, then you absolutely need to find a new one.